Posted by: bodsquad | February 26, 2009

Advice Needed: Negative “Compliments”

I mostly wanted to write this to ask everyone’s advice on how to deal with this situation.  I was in an extremely good mood this morning, it’s beautiful weather, I am wearing summer clothes, and everything is fine and dandy.

I pass by this guy who sells noodles on my corner, he always says hi to me, and waves or asks some question. He says hi, I say hi back, and he proceeds by telling me “You should do arm wrestling competitions because your arms are so big.”

Now, I know he is just some silly guy whose opinion doesn’t matter, but I immediately wanted to cry. When somebody takes a part of my body that I am self-conscious about and makes fun of it, I just don’t know how to deal with it. I want to curl up in a ball and have a pity party. I would really appreciate some advice.

How do you deal with people’s “innocent” negative comments about your figure?

alisa ALISA

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Responses

  1. Hey! just found this blog the other day, and wanted to throw in my .02.

    Chances are he was just trying to think of SOMETHING to say, and he ended up blurting out the stupidest thing that came to mind. You are a beautiful girl and he probably just wanted to prolong the “hey how are ya” thing. I don’t think he meant it to cause you any pain – or if he did, tomorrow you can threaten to beat the crap out of him with your “big arms”!!

    I say, own those arms and don’t be afraid to show them off. They are what they are, no matter how they look. They’re just arms – God given arms that do all sorts of fabulous things for you every day. I can say this because I have hips and thighs the size of oakwood trees and although it took me a while to appreciate them, I definitely do appreciate how they get me around. And you can’t ask for better help when it comes to moving the couch when I have to vacuum!! Men love curves, no matter what the magazines say. When you own them and love them, nothing anyone says can knock you down.

    Hope this helps!!

  2. Well, apparently he thinks you are ripped, and have strong arms…. is that so bad. You see your arms one way, but maybe others really do see them differently. Say “bring it on buddy, you can be my warm up.” :)

  3. Oh, I’m so sorry. I think a lot of times people say the wrong thing. Like guys use the word “big” when they might really mean “good”. And even if people do mean a negative thing you know who you are! You can’t take personally what people say to you . . . they might just be having a bad day! Who you are comes from the inside and if you can learn to live in that confidence I think in turn it helps you not focus on your body image, which surprisingly can then give you the right attitude about getting fit on the outside.

    I try to think the best out of each comment people say to me. If they say I have big arms I would say thanks! I like being strong! (or something like that). And then just let it roll off my back.

    You are beautiful! I don’t know you to know how you are on the inside, but it sounds like you are very sweet. Be confident in that!

  4. I had a college photography professor once say something to me about eating too many doughnuts. I was wearing a tank top and he pinched my arm when he said it. Keep in mind… this was when I was 50 pounds THINNER than I am now!!! It was entirely inappropriate and what I really didn’t understand was that he was a very hefty man himself and there were two other very overweight girls in the same class (much larger than I was). That sounds petty, but at the time my thinking was “why would he pick on me and not them!”

    When someone makes fun of you, you really only take offense if you believe what they are saying is true. But the person making the comment most likely has NO idea that you believe it and that it hurts like hell when you hear someone say your fear out loud. That is, unless they are intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. I can’t believe that this guy really wanted to be mean. He is probably just like every other man in the world and COMPLETELY CLUELESS when it comes to what to say to women!!!

    I don’t know how much that helps, but just know that we have all been there at one point or another.

  5. I’m with Zoe on this one…what makes an arm wrestler good (if that’s something that’s even measured) is their muscles…not arm flab, or chunk, or whatever you think you have. I think he was trying to take your friendly nod relationship to the next level…possibly conversation. Let’s face it…men NEVER realize what effect their words can have on us. And another thing to remember…we women are pretty darn analytical…WAY more so than a man would ever count on. He was probably thinking that he was giving you a great compliment about how strong you are.

    Also…you being in Taiwan…is there a language barrier here? Was this in broken English, or possibly entering your mind as broken Thai? Maybe that’s not something to consider at all, but as I was making my mental picture, it’s something that popped into my mind.

    As I’ve said before, and will continue to say, you are STUNNINGLY beautiful and I guarantee that your arms are not as much of a problem area as you think…things never are. The important thing is to get them to where you are comfortable with them…but in the meantime…realize that you see them completely differently than others do.

    I’m rambling now. You’re an inspiration to me, the rest of the bodsquad, and our faithful blog-stalkers. Keep your chin up and know that you are loved, thought about and a bit envied :-)

  6. Ladies!! Thank you so much.. Jill, welcome to our bloggy and I think you are all right, he was just trying to think of something to say, although i definitely COULD do something about my arms, they are disproportion compared to the rest of my body.. Anyways, than you for helping me keep my head up.. this is exactly why I am part of this group….


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